Earlham Absurd: Secret Chamber Found in Steam Tunnels

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Earlham Absurd: Secret Chamber Found in Steam Tunnels

Last week, the Earlham Sustainability and Infrastructural Improvement Committee stumbled upon a hidden passageway while investigating the subterranean steam tunnels that run throughout the campus.

During their routine annual check-up of the tunnels, they came across an unmarked door left slightly ajar. “It was not a door that we had ever noticed before nor is in the tunnel’s blueprints,” stated committee convener. “However, there was a significant draft coming from it so we took it upon ourselves to investigate it because it was cooling the warm air that the tunnels distribute around campus.”

The mysterious door opened to a dimly lit spiral stairwell that descended about 3 stories, leading to a circular torchlit chamber, about 50 feet in diameter. In the center of the chamber stood a square pyramid with a large marble slab sitting at its summit.

Carved on the wall in large roman letters was the apothegm “If at first you don’t agree, try try again.”

“It was a very eerie atmosphere,” said a member of SIIC who wished to remain anonymous. “Even though there were only five of us in the large chamber, it felt as though we were crammed in there like sardines. It felt almost as if the weight of hundreds of souls were sitting on our shoulders.”

Another member of SIIC guesses that it is some sort of sacrificial assembly room. They described the pyramid to have a series of channels leading from the top of the pyramid to a basin at the bottom. The basin at the bottom was a large square with the phrase “CONSENSUS IS KING” carved into the middle. The basin and the channels all had a dark, rusty tinge to them.

The convener of the committee led a team of photographers from The Earlham Word to get photographic evidence of the chamber to find that the door had been sealed off Cask of Amontillado style.

The college administration has refused to comment on the discovery.

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