• Employer: Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.

Potential employee: I never went to college. 

Employer: Oh, sorry. Unfortunately, you’re not qualified to work here.

• My wife was disappointed to find out the real reason why my nickname in college was “The Love Machine.”

It’s because I sucked at tennis.

• What is the definition of an optimist?

A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.

• In a way, colleges and insane asylums are both mental institutions. The major difference being you have to show some improvement to “graduate” an asylum.

•  I was so broke in college that I sometimes had to choose between laundry detergent and breakfast.

• What is the difference between college and kidnapping? College is the opposite, they demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.

• High school students can’t go out for lunch because it’s forbidden. College students can’t go out for lunch because they can’t afford it.

• Is there a good way to save money while in college? Use Happy Hour as your main dining option.

• What was Spider Man’s major in college?

Web Design.

• Why did LeBron James skip college?

He didn’t want to show up for finals.

•  My pot smoking college roommate decided to choose theology as his major. He’s now a high priest.

• No man is an island.  The only man that is an island is Cayman